Valiant Humility

I was at church last week. We were learning about Job. His is an interesting story and whenever I read it I can't help but wonder if he actually lived the way the bible says he did, or if the entire book is a work of moral fiction perhaps "inspired by a true story." Regardless, it's a fascinating topic to discuss, especially when you get real, raw answers to the question, "If you lost everything the way Job did, what would your response to God be?"

After thinking for a few seconds, pondering the loss of my family, my few friends, the things in my house, my garden, my job, and my reputation, I raised my hand and replied, "If I had nothing left, I would turn to God. If I had no family, no friends, no support system, I would seek support from God. It's interesting because Satan's whole plan with Job was to prove that if you took away everything, Job would turn from God, but I think the opposite would happen. If I lost everything I would rely on God even more because He's all I have left." 

The person who answered after me said, "I think I would be very angry with God. I wouldn't understand why He'd done this to me. I would feel forgotten, unwanted, and unimportant. I would wonder if I'd done something wrong and was being punished."

The difference between our responses was stark and startling (at least to me). The lesson continued but my mind locked on the comparison between the optimism in my answer to the doubt and fear in hers. I started wondering if perhaps I was overly optimistic about my response to Job-like trials. Perhaps I would feel more like a victim. But I just couldn't wrap my brain around feeling so hopeless. I cannot believe in a God who would punish in such a way. My God is not a God who forgets His wanted and important children. Still, perhaps my answer was far too egotistical. After all, how am I supposed to know that my response would be so positive and good? Whose to say I wouldn't turn on God in the face of fear and uncertainty. I certainly do that often enough in response to dumb little setbacks. 

Setting that in the back of my mind to continue pondering, I returned my mind to the lesson at hand. The rest of the lesson was fantastic and enlightening. Until the final comment. I don't remember who said it, it could have been anyone because it almost felt like the comment was expected. As if everyone in that class was having the same thought. The person said, "I don't know how I would respond to a situation like Job's. I like to think I'd respond like he did, but I probably wouldn't. It's easy to say or think that you're like Job and that you have faith in God when everything is going right, but I don't know if I'd say that if I was going through trials." 

Despite wondering that very same thing mere minutes earlier, my mind cried out, "Why not?" Suddenly this issue was a lot bigger than just me and my ego. I looked around the room and saw everyone nodding in response to the comment and I couldn't speak around the lump in my throat. This isn't the first time I've heard some version of this comment. It's probably not the first time you've heard this comment. Anytime I've participated in a discussion about real life heroes (Corrie ten Boom, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, William Tyndale, Queen Esther), those people who turned the other cheek, gave their lives for a cause they believed in, or continued to have faith in God despite trial after trial, it's always ended with a review of the qualities that made them a hero and then a mental or verbal reminder that we don't know how we'd respond in similar circumstances and that we probably wouldn't do as well. We set ourselves back in our place because of course, there's no way we could ever be as cool, valiant, dedicated, and faithful as those people.

And I say, "________!!!!!"

Sorry. I had to blank that out. It's just that when I realized how little credit and power we give ourselves I got extremely frustrated and angry and the first thing that came to mind was a swear word. 

There aren't a lot of things that really get to me. I'm a fairly even-keel person. I get worn out, tired, emotionally exhausted, and lost in my own head which can sometimes lead to me retorting to something angrily or leaving in a huff, but I'm hardly ever actually mad "at" someone else. I usually just need a break from people for a bit. In fact, most of the time when people think I'm mad at them, 97% of the time I'm just "peopled out." I just need to leave, cool off, take a long hard look at my own ego, and realize that I don't actually need to be right all the time and the person I'm "mad at" has a point. Then I take a few minutes longer to enjoy being by myself without having to worry about what anyone else is doing, thinking, or disagreeing with and everything's fine.

I'll admit, there is a rather medium-length list of things that are more likely to push me over the huffy edge. Admittedly stupid things like when people spell the word "yeah" like "ya." The pronunciation is completely different! It takes my ego and my grammar sense a few deep breaths to be okay with that one. Or when people repeat information I'm already aware of, they've already told me, or is so obvious it's an insult to say. I roll my eyes when that happens and occasionally succeed at biting back a sarcastic remark. Or when people tell me "thank you" at the wrong time. Okay, okay. I know. This is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous considering I don't know what the "wrong time" is and it's supposed to be chivalrous and courteous to say thank you. Still, my jaw clenches and I glare whenever I'm thanked "improperly." I'm working on it.

My point is that very few things make me actually angry. But something that does make me angry, hopefully righteously angry, is recognizing when people are giving up their own power, becoming a victim to circumstance, browbeating themselves into subservience to some incorrect principle or idea, and down-talking their own abilities. It's bad if someone knows they're treating themselves this way and still chooses to do it (I can't do anything about someone else's choice, no matter how sad it makes me), it's worse to watch people treat themselves like (insert word for 'less than dirt', 'garbage,' 'rotten,' -- you get the idea) without realizing that's what they're doing, but that's nothing to watching people think and say self-degrading things about themselves mistakenly thinking that that is humility. That's a million times worse.

What's funny is that my anger is making it seem like the people I'm referring to are talking literal trash about themselves. I tend to exaggerate my wording when I'm mad but I won't apologize because even if they're not obviously self-abusing, I think the self-doubt they're conjuring has almost the same effect as the verbal or emotional abuse. And I think it's heartbreaking and horrifying. Because I watch my friends, my family members, my church family, and even myself tell themselves that they're not on the same level as the heroes they're trying to emulate. That they don't have the faith. That it's bad for them to think they could ever reach that level. That it's bad to think positively about themselves. That it's prideful to think they could be a hero. That there's no way they could ever be as valiant, faithful, trustworthy, and blessed by God as the people who gave their lives for a cause.

And once again, I say, "______!"

WE get to decided who we are and who we are going to be. WE get to decide now how we are going to respond to life in the future. We are not floating around "driven with the wind and tossed," a victim to circumstance, subservient to our negative thoughts or someone else's critical comments. We are not less than anyone else. We have the same potential as every hero we've ever admired. We are admirable, worthy, and valiant if we want to be. WE are EVERYTHING to God. We make the choice to respond however we want to respond to whatever comes our way. He believes in us. He sees the potential and the value in us. We will respond to troubling circumstances as well as we want to because we decide we will.

We just have to believe it ourselves. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to give ourselves enough credit. That's not unrighteous pride, it's righteous faith and valiant humility.

Scripture Reference: James 1:6