Always Do Your Best

This might just be the most misunderstood, incorrectly interpreted, condemnation causing statement that has ever been said, re-said, written, and published. 

Always do your best. 

How many times have I heard my mom, brother, dad, sister, other brother, boss, friends, leaders say those words? More than I care to count. As long as you're doing your best you can feel confident about yourself -- proud of yourself -- no matter the result. If you do your best you don't have to worry about what others think of you. If you do your best you'll make it to heaven. Do your best and you'll get good grades. Do your best and you'll get the job, the recommendation, the opportunity you want. Esther, do your best and you might... maybe... have a chance...probably... of actually getting a date...most likely...we think ;)

But the promise I always heard was that if I did my best I would never again feel the weight of guilt. The heart-wrenching pain of shame. The overpowering grief that comes with regret. 

And so I've tried. For years. Tried to do my best - always. Yet, now matter how much I strove for the best I was never free of the haunting guilt, shame, and regret that seemed to follow me everywhere. Almost every experience was eventually engulfed with the feeling that, hard as I'd worked, I hadn't done my best. 

For me, "doing your best" and "being perfect" were highly correlated. My best might not be full perfection, but it might just be as close to perfect as any human could ever get. But that begs the question, what is my best? And therein lies the problem. 

I could not ever tell you if I'd actually done my best. In every experience I would try, I really would. But, after the fact I'd realize all the ways I could have done better. My best wasn't the best so was it really my best?

I had this idea that doing my best meant doing the most ideal thing in every situation, in sickness or health, with friends and foes, under stressful and relaxed settings, at all times. And, at the end of the day, I failed. 

Always do your best. Always do your best.

All ways do your best...

That was until yesterday, when I accidentally spelled 'always' incorrectly with a permanent pen on a fresh page of my journal. And I wasn't willing to scribble it out, so I just continued on and made it work.

In all ways do your best. 

"What?" you might ask, "What difference does this spelling make?" You're right. It doesn't look like much. The focus now is not on "always" (at all times), but on "all ways" (in every area/way) which is just as demoralizing. How in the world can you be everything to everyone in every situation? You can't. That's the truth. 

But what if doing your best in all ways didn't just mean doing your best in every area of life, but in every direction?

Just for a minute, let's think about life as if we stood on a scale from zero to ten. 0 being an extremely unhealthy amount of _______ (you fill in the blank - selfishness, laziness, unkindness, harshness, anger... etc. - you get the idea) and 10 being an unhealthy amount of _______ (selflessness, productivity, kindness, gentleness, love...etc.). Yes, I said it. You really can have too much of a "good thing" at which point it stops being good and starts being painful. We hardly ever think about it because things like selflessness and productivity are so applauded by society, but too much selflessness becomes codependent enabling and too much productivity looks like Esther during the school year, going crazy with homework but not knowing when to quit. And that's not a pretty place to be. 

Contrary to what many might think, the goal in life is not to give of oneself at the expense of personal health, wellness, and sanity. Rather, the goal is to determine the best balance between giving and receiving, gentility and severity, being lazy and receiving. Serve. But recognize when it's time to let go and receive the same kindness and compassion you've been giving out. 

So, visualizing the scale in your mind, from 0-10 with any trait you choose, consider the many "ways" you move on the scale. In this moment you could make a choice that takes you a little closer to the 0 side of the scale, or you could move toward the 10 side of the scale. It's your choice.

But! Before you decide, I want you to keep one other thing in mind. 

As I considered what it meant to do my best, a phrase came to mind that clearly explained what it truly means to do "my best."

In all ways do your best by doing all you honestly can in this moment. 

The three key words in this statement are: doing all, honestly, and this moment. 

'Doing all' indicates the myriad of ways and paths one could take on the scale. It doesn't necessarily mean in all traits at the same time. It might just mean choosing the best "way" on a single trait. For example, at work I deal a lot with the balance of selfishness and selflessness, but at home I deal more with the balance between being gentle and being harsh. I don't have to think about doing my best in every trait because not all traits apply to every situation. So right now, what trait best applies to your life? And are you doing your best in that trait?

That's where honesty comes in. Honesty keeps you... well, honest. Honesty is what tells you when you could be more selfless, but it also tells you when you need to step back and balance giving with receiving. Honesty guides you to know when you need a physical break, but it also urges you forward to be actively productive in shaping your life. If you're honest with yourself you can realize the true balance between wants and needs. But you have to be honestly willing to listen to honesty. Honesty is what lets me know when I'm working too hard, and it's what tells me I'm thinking too much about myself. In general, if I take a moment to pause I can usually figure out which way I need to be moving on the scale.

Finally, 'this moment.' If you can honestly say that you considered and chose your best, then let it be. Don't look back later and decide that you didn't do your best. Life changes so fast that responses have to change too. You cannot compare yesterday with today. They aren't the same day. You aren't the same person. You're emotions might be completely different today than they were yesterday. You might be feeling dreadfully ill and that honestly affects everything you can do today.

This moment. This time is all that matters. Do your best. Not in everything, but in every way. Be honest with yourself. Honesty is brutal at times, but it's worth it. Be honest with others about what your best is. They deserve it and I think they'll respect it. 

Do your best and let it be your best.