Unseen Enemies? Or Unseen Friends?

I was the first to stop at the intersection, which put me in the optimal place to watch the girl as she crossed the street in front of me. As I watched her, I analyzed her walk, her posture, and her clothing, all of it giving me an idea of the type of girl she was. Her hair was short, obviously died, though not an extremely odd color. Her shirt was short, like her hair, and a pleasant army green. As she walked, she looked at her phone, seemingly oblivious. I remember thinking that she was not the sort of person I would find it easy to talk to. She looked like someone who didn't care about the world anymore. She didn't seem to care about interacting with people on the street, nor did she look like she cared particularly about anything happening in her life - good or bad. I looked at her and thought, in tones of criticism and dislike, "Why are you even alive if you're not going to be a part of your life?"

It's been a few days since I saw her, so I've toned down my words, but you should understand that when I first saw her, I was incredibly judgemental towards her. Which probably shouldn’t surprise me, but that day it did. I have an ego and while I’d love to say I never judge or mentally criticize others, the truth is that I do. I judge harshly and I judge constantly. I especially judge things that I don’t understand (which encompasses a lot of things, a lot of situations, and a lot of people).

Usually when I find myself judging something I give myself a quick reprimand, tell myself to do better, and then move on. I recognize that judging people unfairly is wrong, but it doesn’t generally bother my conscience. That day, however, was different.

Maybe it was the perfectness of the afternoon. The autumn sun on auburn leaves, the crisply colored sky, the fluffy small clouds, and the warmth that flooded my car and soul. Because in contrast to that bright day, my judgemental thoughts were dark. Very dark. It was that contrast that startled me. How, on that beautiful day, could I be thinking cruelly about anyone--especially someone I had never seen before, never spoken to, and would never see again? As I watched her walk down the sidewalk and disappear behind rows of houses, a scary realization struck me. The moment I judged and sent those judgments out as thoughts, I became her enemy. Her unseen enemy. 

I immediately started to justify myself. I told myself I hadn't done anything wrong. After all, it's not like I'd said those words to her, and she would never ever know that I'd thought them. What real harm had been done? Surely the word "enemy" could not be applied to me. Even as I tried to soften the truth, I could clearly see the magnitude of my mistake. I could almost see my judgemental thoughts traveling through time and space, reaching the girl, and striking her with physical force. She may not know me, but those thoughts undoubtedly affected her on some energetic level. True, the force was not as great as if I had spoken the words while looking her in the eyes, but the power behind my thoughts could not be denied. 30 seconds. Maybe one minute. That's how long it took me to see, judge, and then become the enemy of someone I'd never met. 

It took 20 years for me to recognize how powerful my thoughts are. Thoughts in general are incredibly powerful. I've heard some crazy stories about how connected people are through their thoughts. I remember the day I totaled my car, the first person I called was my mom. She told me later that the moment she heard her phone ringing she knew I'd been in an accident. Which is wild because I don't call her super often, but often enough that car accident should not be the first thing to come to mind. Just recently I witnessed how quickly changing my thoughts from negative and critical to positive and grateful can change relationships. I have a manager that gets judged quickly and unfairly a lot, and I fell into that pattern and wondered over and over why I couldn't seem to get on her good side. The moment I stopped being her unseen enemy and started being friends with her in my thoughts, she became a lot more friendly. Did she change? I don't think so. I think my harsh thoughts were keeping her away. I mean, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was mentally judging me all the time.

That got me thinking about all the other people I've met in passing. The people I see daily that I never speak with. The people I just observe before moving on. I wish I could say that 95% of the time I was a kind person who only thought negatively when provoked, but I can't lie, at least not to you (I lie to myself all the time). The more I think back on interactions I've had with people I meet at school, work, in the car, on the bus, and at church, the more I realize that I make a lot of enemies in the typical day. A lot of enemies. I have one chance. One chance to make the world a better place. To think something nice. To send out love and understanding. To become someone's unseen friend. And what do I do with it? The opposite. Yay. 

So I guess this is a call to rethink and reassess. It doesn't take much to stop being someone's enemy. A simple change of thoughts, a spin towards the grateful, the kind, the uplifting, and the understanding. What's harder is making it a habit. Honestly, this world sucks! I admit there are a lot of really not fun to be around people in it. There's a lot of cruelty, a lot of unnecessary unkindness, a lot of hurt. I fully understand why judgement is the first place we go in our minds. It's a coping mechanism. A way of protecting ourselves. A kind of "they can't hurt me if I hurt them first." But deserved as it may be, no one deserves to be judged and mentally degraded by someone equally undeserving. I think that's what Jesus was saying when he told those without sin to cast the first stone. 

I can't change the world. I can't stop the name calling, the beatings, the injustice. But I can stop casting the first stone. I can make my first thoughts one's that I can be proud of. I can be an unseen friend.