I Love This Life

While most people use their calendar to keep track of events coming up and will write out and plan the future, I do the reverse and write down only things that have already happened. At the end of each day I stand in front of my calendar and I record the thing that stands out most about each day. I often feel like days pass by one after the other and that everything happens the same, so this is my way of keeping track of the differences in each day. I never know what's going to make it onto my calendar at the end of the day. Some days the phrase I write down is obvious as the event or feeling made a tremendous impact on me. Other days I sit, stare, and study my day thoroughly before I remember something worth writing. Whatever the case, every day I write something down. There's no stipulation about what I am or am not allowed to write down, so sometimes the answers get a little crazy, but each one of them has a distinct story. The culmination of this practice is that at the end of every month I take my calendar off the wall and write all the phrases into my journal in one long list.

It is extremely interesting to look back on the highlights of a month in this way. I notice some interesting things about my life. In the last six weeks I've written things like:
"Lonely. Just lonely."
"Worn out."
"Indignant"
"Ordinary"
"Angry."
"Lonely2.0"
"Wanting things I shouldn't want."
and "Is it really okay if I can't be everything?"
Those were the hard days to be sure. The days when I wasn't really sure it was worth writing anything on the calendar. The days when I didn't want to go to bed because I'd have to wake up and face another day.

But those are only some of the days. The others say things like:
"The unexpected fulfillment of dreams."
"Happy girl."
"Compassion"
"Jesus Christ"
"Happy on my own again."
"Valedictorian!"
"You're a hellion!" (a quote from my boss)
and "Creativity is at its best when you have nothing to work with."

On a daily basis I am asked how I'm doing, or how my life is going or some such thing like that. And on a moment by moment basis, it changes. Those days of "lonely" or "ordinary" I generally won't give the best impression of how my life is, because in those moments I can't see above the hardship and negativity. But as I look back on a month of highlights, as I remember stories, events, jokes, and laughter that came, even in those hard days, I realize how much I really love my life. My life is good. I'm doing okay. There's no guaranteed way to make every day as amazing as the last. But it's just as likely that tomorrow will be much better than today. You never know what's coming up around the corner.

I love driving to the radio -- a daily occurrence and a daily thrill. I love talking with my mom, an almost daily event. I love realizing I'm stronger than I thought I was. I love pushing my self hard. Really hard. And feeling the thrill of accomplishment. I love caring for others and lifting them up especially when they can't see what I can... that hard days are hard, but there's something good, something to look forward to in each of them.

So my little words of advice moving into this week: be motivated by love, not fear; live your life to the best of your ability; dream often and work hard. This life is worth living and it is worth loving! There's a lot of opportunity, and many surprises right around the corner. You might think you've got your life planned out, your calendar filled up, and you might believe you know what's coming. But I guarantee, that at the end of each day there's something fantastic, something surprising, something worth remembering.

I love you, my friends! Remember that life is good!