Remember My Pains No More
"Think of a trial in your life..."
I was sitting in a gospel lesson at church a few weeks ago and the teacher requested that we take a moment to ponder on a trial we are experiencing right now. This request was not new. Ever since I was a young girl teachers and leaders had been asking that I consider a current trial and then write down how the lesson topic of the day applied to my trial. So, on that Sunday a few weeks ago, I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote this:
"Think of a trial... I just reached the end of my broken leg moment -- and during the time in a boot and cast many could look at me and see a trial. But I try hard not to see the trials. I strive to focus on the beauty and the joy. And there are moments when the pain and heartache cannot be ignored. Moments when I fall apart and don't believe I can get back up. And I think those moments are the ones when I've forgotten to give my pain to Christ. When I've built up days of pain and anger is when my trials feel like trials. But as soon as I give that pain to Christ, as soon as I accept that I was prideful, angry, and stubborn, my trial fades away into an interesting puzzle to be solved, a thought process to be continued, and a conversation to begin with my Savior. So that I can realize and appreciate the beauty and joy in life."
Well, I wrote this down, pasted it in my journal and life continued. I didn't think much of it until I was driving to school this week. I believe I was thinking about my past and moments of excruciating pain and unbelievable depression. I was remembering injustices and cruelties against me. But! What struck me is that while my brain was running through a long list of things I ought to be frustrated with, while I was conjuring many things I had a right to be angry and hurt about, I couldn't feel any pain. Once the pain was over, my heart counted every single event as a blessing. You might think I view my past through rose-colored glasses, but this is not me convincing myself that pain didn't exist. This isn't me denying hurt and suffering. This is me simply not remembering the pain and only seeing the blessings that have come from my experiences. In that moment I remembered a scripture that I have often read but never thought applied to me, "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me. . . and when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more" (Alma 36:19). I've read this over the past 12 years and always thought it would be so amazing to have this experience in my life. What I didn't realize was that all those years of not consciously seeing trials in my life was a result of my pain being taken away. I've developed a habit of giving Jesus Christ the things I cannot handle, the pains I cannot bear, and the problems I cannot solve. This habit has naturally and easily taken my pain away without me realizing it.
If I think back to my broken leg I can remember disliking the amount of time I spent sitting on the couch, but those two weeks of boredom, pain, and discomfort are small compared to the 6 weeks of blessed experiences that I clearly remember. I remember hilarious elevator conversations, I remember my mom laughing at my tales of The Devil, I remember personal discoveries about self-image and beauty, I remember feeling supported and loved. I remember getting really strong arms from crutches, and I remember the exhilarating (and momentarily terrifying) moment when I got back on the horse. The pain has been swept away in
the joy of living and the beauty of discovery.
On a final note I think it's important to say that I've definitely got more to give away to Jesus Christ. I've got some pretty spectacular moments in my life that I might not clearly remember but that still do affect my joy. However, the amazing thing is that even with some ever-present pain, even with a continuing mortal experience of rejection and discomfort, my present day can be and often is as beautiful and joyful as Heaven. The time will come, probably fairly soon, when I will uncover more pride and anger to be resolved and surrendered, but until then? My friends, my life is amazing! There are hard days, but they're good hard days. I mess up -- a lot! But I always find a way to fix it. If you are struggling with pain today, I suggest you take a look inside, find out what you're holding onto that isn't really a part of you anymore, and I suggest you give that away to Christ. Trust me when I say that He can take that pain and heal your heart so that you will not remember the pain anymore.
I was sitting in a gospel lesson at church a few weeks ago and the teacher requested that we take a moment to ponder on a trial we are experiencing right now. This request was not new. Ever since I was a young girl teachers and leaders had been asking that I consider a current trial and then write down how the lesson topic of the day applied to my trial. So, on that Sunday a few weeks ago, I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote this:
"Think of a trial... I just reached the end of my broken leg moment -- and during the time in a boot and cast many could look at me and see a trial. But I try hard not to see the trials. I strive to focus on the beauty and the joy. And there are moments when the pain and heartache cannot be ignored. Moments when I fall apart and don't believe I can get back up. And I think those moments are the ones when I've forgotten to give my pain to Christ. When I've built up days of pain and anger is when my trials feel like trials. But as soon as I give that pain to Christ, as soon as I accept that I was prideful, angry, and stubborn, my trial fades away into an interesting puzzle to be solved, a thought process to be continued, and a conversation to begin with my Savior. So that I can realize and appreciate the beauty and joy in life."
Well, I wrote this down, pasted it in my journal and life continued. I didn't think much of it until I was driving to school this week. I believe I was thinking about my past and moments of excruciating pain and unbelievable depression. I was remembering injustices and cruelties against me. But! What struck me is that while my brain was running through a long list of things I ought to be frustrated with, while I was conjuring many things I had a right to be angry and hurt about, I couldn't feel any pain. Once the pain was over, my heart counted every single event as a blessing. You might think I view my past through rose-colored glasses, but this is not me convincing myself that pain didn't exist. This isn't me denying hurt and suffering. This is me simply not remembering the pain and only seeing the blessings that have come from my experiences. In that moment I remembered a scripture that I have often read but never thought applied to me, "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me. . . and when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more" (Alma 36:19). I've read this over the past 12 years and always thought it would be so amazing to have this experience in my life. What I didn't realize was that all those years of not consciously seeing trials in my life was a result of my pain being taken away. I've developed a habit of giving Jesus Christ the things I cannot handle, the pains I cannot bear, and the problems I cannot solve. This habit has naturally and easily taken my pain away without me realizing it.If I think back to my broken leg I can remember disliking the amount of time I spent sitting on the couch, but those two weeks of boredom, pain, and discomfort are small compared to the 6 weeks of blessed experiences that I clearly remember. I remember hilarious elevator conversations, I remember my mom laughing at my tales of The Devil, I remember personal discoveries about self-image and beauty, I remember feeling supported and loved. I remember getting really strong arms from crutches, and I remember the exhilarating (and momentarily terrifying) moment when I got back on the horse. The pain has been swept away in
the joy of living and the beauty of discovery.
On a final note I think it's important to say that I've definitely got more to give away to Jesus Christ. I've got some pretty spectacular moments in my life that I might not clearly remember but that still do affect my joy. However, the amazing thing is that even with some ever-present pain, even with a continuing mortal experience of rejection and discomfort, my present day can be and often is as beautiful and joyful as Heaven. The time will come, probably fairly soon, when I will uncover more pride and anger to be resolved and surrendered, but until then? My friends, my life is amazing! There are hard days, but they're good hard days. I mess up -- a lot! But I always find a way to fix it. If you are struggling with pain today, I suggest you take a look inside, find out what you're holding onto that isn't really a part of you anymore, and I suggest you give that away to Christ. Trust me when I say that He can take that pain and heal your heart so that you will not remember the pain anymore.
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