Coconut Sugar and a Cookie
What is family? I like dictionaries and the Merriam-Webster dictionary says that family is a group of people living under the same roof, something with common ancestry, or things related by similar characteristics. I guess that in this case I have to disagree with the dictionary because that is not what family means to me.
Family is the most important thing in my life. Not because I get along with all of my family all the time. Not because I have a fantastic relationship with all of my immediate and extended family. Not even because of the many ways they've helped me become the person I am. Family is important to me because of what it really means. Family encompasses an amazing group of people who love you even when you suck. They believe in and love you when you say things you don't mean, bite their heads off, and mess up every day. I know I've found family when I do something extraordinarily stupid and walk away from a tense situation, kicking myself because I'm a rude, unforgivable idiot, but if they're family I walk away from that situation knowing that my relationship with that person is not over. I walk away knowing that they're going to understand if it was a hard day. They're going forgive me even if I don't have an excuse for how I acted. That's family.
But, this goes both ways. Family is also a group of people that I choose to love even when I don't want to. People I choose to forgive when they get on my nerves, are inconsiderate or angry. And the greatest love I have in my heart is for my family because it's love that I give, love that I feel even when I really don't want to. There's something amazing and freeing in the ability to live without the stress of perfection. I'm not always going to be the perfect, fantastic, kind person I want to be. And my family understands that and loves me through it.
The reason this comes up today is because this past week I had an experience that reminded me of why I love family. It was Monday morning, I was late to school, and hormonal. I was trying to pack my lunch and get my breakfast and my siblings were prepping for their days as well. My siblings commonly make choices that I don't approve of, by which I mean that I would not make those choices and honestly think no one should make those choices. However, it's not like their choices are really wrong, I just don't agree with them. I was doing really well holding my tongue until my sister doused her toast in coconut sugar. That's when I snapped. I snapped at her and exclaimed that she did not need that much coconut sugar on one piece of bread. Running through my head was a calculation of the cost of coconut sugar, a calculation I didn't want. I successfully ruined my sister's cheerful mood and destroyed her breakfast, and then sat down to eat my breakfast. Luckily I was present enough to apologize for what I'd done, explaining my mental state and how I had no right to do that. To my absolute amazement she looked up at me, smiled and said I was okay and that she'd try to keep the amount of coconut sugar a little lower in the future. While I finished my breakfast we chatted happily, until the subject of cookies came up. See, my brother had made cookies the night before and I hadn't been feeling well so I hadn't eaten any. I made a fatal mistake of neglecting to ask my brother for permission before eating a cookie after breakfast, something that brought up some pent up, unforgiven emotion on his part. Suddenly I was being berated for being a hypocrite and treating him differently than I had made him treat me in the past. Once again, I snapped, refused to take a cookie, and walked out the door. As I hurried to my car I realized that I had just left a hurricane wake of destruction behind me, but I couldn't go back and fix it because I was the hurricane. As I started sobbing out of remorse I found comfort in the fact that my brother and I are family. And I knew he'd forgive me for my harsh words and harsh actions. I also knew I wanted to avoid such a response in the future because even when I think he's wrong, even when he does things I don't think he should, I still love him. He’s still one of my best friends. When I disrupt the waters, when I think I'm right, when I'm stubborn, family will still flock around me. And when times get hard, relationships get strained, tempers get tried, I still choose to love my family.
Thank you to my amazing family. The one's who've stuck with stupid Esther, and amazing Esther. The people who've stood by me in hard times. I don't even know if words can express how much you all mean to me. There’s so much power and love in the fact that you don’t all have to stick by me, and that you’re still here after all these years. I feel that love more deeply than you will ever know. Thank you, and I love you.
Family is the most important thing in my life. Not because I get along with all of my family all the time. Not because I have a fantastic relationship with all of my immediate and extended family. Not even because of the many ways they've helped me become the person I am. Family is important to me because of what it really means. Family encompasses an amazing group of people who love you even when you suck. They believe in and love you when you say things you don't mean, bite their heads off, and mess up every day. I know I've found family when I do something extraordinarily stupid and walk away from a tense situation, kicking myself because I'm a rude, unforgivable idiot, but if they're family I walk away from that situation knowing that my relationship with that person is not over. I walk away knowing that they're going to understand if it was a hard day. They're going forgive me even if I don't have an excuse for how I acted. That's family.
The reason this comes up today is because this past week I had an experience that reminded me of why I love family. It was Monday morning, I was late to school, and hormonal. I was trying to pack my lunch and get my breakfast and my siblings were prepping for their days as well. My siblings commonly make choices that I don't approve of, by which I mean that I would not make those choices and honestly think no one should make those choices. However, it's not like their choices are really wrong, I just don't agree with them. I was doing really well holding my tongue until my sister doused her toast in coconut sugar. That's when I snapped. I snapped at her and exclaimed that she did not need that much coconut sugar on one piece of bread. Running through my head was a calculation of the cost of coconut sugar, a calculation I didn't want. I successfully ruined my sister's cheerful mood and destroyed her breakfast, and then sat down to eat my breakfast. Luckily I was present enough to apologize for what I'd done, explaining my mental state and how I had no right to do that. To my absolute amazement she looked up at me, smiled and said I was okay and that she'd try to keep the amount of coconut sugar a little lower in the future. While I finished my breakfast we chatted happily, until the subject of cookies came up. See, my brother had made cookies the night before and I hadn't been feeling well so I hadn't eaten any. I made a fatal mistake of neglecting to ask my brother for permission before eating a cookie after breakfast, something that brought up some pent up, unforgiven emotion on his part. Suddenly I was being berated for being a hypocrite and treating him differently than I had made him treat me in the past. Once again, I snapped, refused to take a cookie, and walked out the door. As I hurried to my car I realized that I had just left a hurricane wake of destruction behind me, but I couldn't go back and fix it because I was the hurricane. As I started sobbing out of remorse I found comfort in the fact that my brother and I are family. And I knew he'd forgive me for my harsh words and harsh actions. I also knew I wanted to avoid such a response in the future because even when I think he's wrong, even when he does things I don't think he should, I still love him. He’s still one of my best friends. When I disrupt the waters, when I think I'm right, when I'm stubborn, family will still flock around me. And when times get hard, relationships get strained, tempers get tried, I still choose to love my family.
Thank you to my amazing family. The one's who've stuck with stupid Esther, and amazing Esther. The people who've stood by me in hard times. I don't even know if words can express how much you all mean to me. There’s so much power and love in the fact that you don’t all have to stick by me, and that you’re still here after all these years. I feel that love more deeply than you will ever know. Thank you, and I love you.
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